One of those "anxious type" days

What can I say having a head whizzing around day today. Mind keeps whirring away over nothing. Didn't even want to take the 'dog' out today but I did, legs went to jelly, body tensed up and head felt so spaced out......... am having one of my more than normal anxious days grrr. It started 13 years ago when my marriage came to a very horrible conclusion and Ive never been right since hehe. I often make a joke of it but its been a real struggle at times, once upon a time I couldn't even go to the shops or eat properly. I never became housebound but life took on a different meaning, everything had to be planned meticulously and I had to be in control of everything. I had to write endless lists telling myself what jobs to do and be super duper organised and trying to be "Mrs Perfect". I know now that there is no such thing though I do still try and have perhaps an unhealthy obsession with cleaning! Looking back now I can understand how it all happened, my relationship had taken a bit of a turn for the worse and I was subject to mental and physical abuse, some awful things happened which I have just written about and deleted, maybe one day I will be able to write about it! But hey its not all doom and gloom we all got over it, sons have a good relationship with their Dad and I built a new life (we had to run away I'll put that much), have a wonderful partner and 2 well adjusted sons (well I hope they r hehe) and a very odd dog oh and a stupid heart condition !!!

I need an Alter Ego

Grrr still got the headache and don't exactly feel at my best!! Phone arrived yippee, have put it on charge so hope this one works properly, we will see. Have totally tons of stuff to do today pay bills, ironing omg piles of it and its the middle pf the afternoon already. Normal jobs done, dinner made in advance (no boring pics of it today hehe) so really should be doing all the stuff that's urgent not sitting on here typing out my blog. Still this is more fun, don't really want to see how much money I don't have! I need to learn a bit more about this blogging lark cos just don't understand a lot of it, I want to make site pretty and with plenty of links but I seem to be having major brain dead moments and cant get to grips with it. Help me someone please LOL. Should also really be trying to organise my business, I need to do some advertising and stuff but I seem to have gone off the boil, how in the heck will I ever make any money???? Mind you today I have been offered a job, not in the makeup business but at my local hospital, its only a administrative/secretarial bank job and I can work as and when I like, when of course they have the vacancies, sounds pretty good but apparently its going to take 6-8 weeks before I can start. So ....... need to start ebaying and stuff and kicking my own ass to get my business into gear really. Wish I had my creative head on today and I could at least design the business cards, I was totally crap designing my website and finally gave that up as a bad job, so at the moment I have the domain name but nowhere to put it, have had all the ideas in my head but that's where they seem to stay just going round in circles. Boy don't I get dizzy LOL!! Anyway enoughs enough today cos I cant think what else wonderous has happened in my life since yesterday, mmmm might just start having to make up an alter ego or something maybe Rouge Noir Lady of the Night mmmm, got the giggles now even thinking of it.

A Mind Hopping Day

What can I say, its yet another day. Hmm what I have I done so far, well have tided up and cleaned a bit (am a bit obsessive about keeping things sparkly), taken the 'dog' out for a walk, have to admit he was pretty good today. He attempted to fly at the fence with the 2 yappy dogs but I managed to stop him this time and 'dog' is now doing his favourite pastime having a snooze in his big comfy basket.

Am very cross with Vodafone at the moment, they seem to be incapable of getting anything right with my phone, wrong one got delivered last week, then new one came on which the camera didn't work, it cant be exchanged til tomorrow and then I received a text today at 8.20am saying it would be collected today between the hours of 8.30am - 6pm. Do Vodafone think we have no life!!! Anyway I phoned them up to say 'what the heck' and I was told to ignore the text it was just the warehouse what if I had decided not to phone and take a day off work or something!!!!!!!! Is there nothing that can be done to stop this inefficiency. Whats happened to the world? Is this the new technology gone haywire, I thought it was supposed to improve our quality of life not take it away and make us make endless phone calls to call centres where we get pushed from pillar to post with no one really listening. No wonder I have another headache today, I suppose I will have to put another one of those blue sticky strips on my head yet again, hate taking paracetamol cos I take enough meds as it is.! This leads me on to something else I have a hopping mind today cant stop it its out of control hehe. I had a conversation today with a wonderful friend I met through The Cardiomyopathy Association and she said that she was giving up her motorbike cos she felt she was getting to old to be a bikerbabe anymore "Munchkin you are NOT too old so there!! " Also am sending hugs and kisses to another friend who is having her battery replaced in her bivent pacemaker today "bionic woman hurry up and get back cos I miss chatting to you on msn!" Now to mind hop onto something else maybe hmm .......

Right then am back after a brief interlude of making a chilli, I would like to have put the receipe underneath pretending I was some sort of earth mother but ........ I used a packet mix ...... omg just had to get up and go to the cooker hob I have burnt the rice yet again, I seem to get carried away and forget exactly what I am doing, this is really beginning to get on my nerves as I do this all the time, why cant the mind stop hopping and just remember the task in hand grrrr. Anyway chilli looks nice and rice is only stuck on the bottom so its not totally irretrievable.

The Demon Dog

Another day is upon us, as I am sitting here all typing I have doors open and can smell the beautiful smell of newly cut grass.... it makes me think hooray our sort of nice weather is truly on its way. How long will it last though that's another story!! Well boring as it is have just been out for a walk with the 'dog' boy did he let me down big time.His behaviour can be appalling outside at times and other times he can be an angel, well today it was appalling. For some reason as we walk away from our house up the road he is absolutely fine then as we reach the main road his alter ego takes over and the placid Labrador becomes a devil dog. He pulls, he growls, hes on high alert all the time, paper bags, rubbish bins, toys, people, other dogs they all become the enemy and his motto seems to be "I'm going to get them before they get me!" Today was normal run the gauntlet except for one thing, on returning home we have to pass various houses where either dogs or cats live (bearing in mind he can stay with my mums cats within about 2" and be quite happy) anyway before I go on and on and on hehe there are 2 little yappy dogs that never seem to go out but constantly stay in a garden behind a 6' fence and there is a few holes in this fence well the 'dog' pulled so hard his lead came out of my hand, he ran across a road and began attacking the 6'fence and low and behold the 2 yappy dogs were behind it snarling and yapping. The 'dog' was out of control by now, growling and attacking the fence and it took all my strength to intervene and get the 6st monster away!! What if a car or motorbike had been coming when said 'dog' made a run for the fence, 'dog' would have been killed or injured, or even the driver could have suffered the same fate . What can I do???? AM at my wits end. Two minutes later the 'dog' is back to his angelic self strutting down the road, tail wagging with not a care in the world and is now home snoozing as usual in his basket.

Had a bit of a rest from blogging !

Well couldn't continue with blogging got so tied up with exams and stuff and to be honest I lost all inclination to do anything. I didn't think it would take me this long however til I got back any momentum to do anything, it just seemed liked a few days ........... Anyway passed exams, am now legally a makeup artist although haven't don't anything about it yet. Such a lot to set up and boy am I lazy and have no money which is a bit of a concern when u r trying to set up a business. Anyway so far have just got the tools of the trade, an imaginative mind, have sort of set up insurance, well got the proposal through although so far I haven't paid any money and that's about it. I need a damn good kick up the ass I tell u. Other than that hmm what has been happening, dog is still my baby, ticker is still dicky, have been to see Joseph starring Lee Mead at the Adelphi, oh and have started growing stuff. So far its chillies x 2 sorts, peppers x 2 sorts, coriander, basil and chives. I might venture onto different thins soon but am very excited that some of my seeds are growing!!